if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
