That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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