Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
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We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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