I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
