apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
