I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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