I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
