and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
