If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize
