Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
