Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
