When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
