Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
