Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
