so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
