She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
