apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
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