what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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