the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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