i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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