Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
