I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
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