Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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