Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
don't judge my taste in strippers
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
