So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
