So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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