I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
