grandma shit on top of the toilet
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
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