Plan B is the new Plan A
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
