I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I am spending my child support on dildos
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize