I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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