i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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