you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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