I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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