dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
