I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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