Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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