Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Two words: nipple clamps
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