Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
