Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
