I'm eating all of the evidence.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
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