proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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