I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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