it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Randomize
