is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
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