Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
