I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
