Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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