He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
