watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
