Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I have fence marks all over my body
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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