She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
two words...techno handjob
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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