new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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