Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
