It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
