Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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