I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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