Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
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