The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
