The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
My vagina is officially offended.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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