I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
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