Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
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