96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
